Small hurdle with the church and the small (but real) wedding ceremony, as our parochial vicor was in for the 10-year transfer to another church within our diocese. His replacement is to take over 33 weddings that the former head priest had lined up for the upcoming year. Since we only found out about this in June, and the transition was made in July, we really only had few opportunities to actually meet the new head priest and get to know him. When he called the meeting, it was a weekend that I was down with Mr. Smallville in Gloucester, so we actually drove up together on Sunday and met with him on Monday morning. Afterwards, I went to work and Mr. Smallville went back to Gloucester.
During our meeting, we were asked to take the FOCCUS test. FOCCUS stands for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study. It was somewhat a compatibility test, but more to see what aspects of life your partner has and has not discussed. It gives the priest/church an idea of what you need to discuss in the future, in hopes that you come to some sort of agreement or compromise.
It’s not a short test either. It is comprised of 200 questions, where the first 150-60 everyone would answer. And then I believe the last 40 are divided into two: 20 for inter-faith couples, and 20 for re-married couples. They ask everything from the way you raise your children, to your relationship, to finances, to family, in-laws, and friends, to your future sex life with your partner.
I especially felt bad for Mr. Smallville, because he was just in DC last weekend, so coming up yet again is a struggle in itself. And then, he was already nervous about meeting the first priest, who I adored. Mr. Smallville’s anxiety wasn’t pleasantly unfounded, because first was so welcoming and sweet when he met Mr. Smallville. He was nervous regardless, so for him to go through that again, I can’t even imagine it. And then have him say “oh by the way, you need to take this test.” I love Mr. Smallville, and he was a good sport about it in the end.
During our meeting, we were asked to take the FOCCUS test. FOCCUS stands for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study. It was somewhat a compatibility test, but more to see what aspects of life your partner has and has not discussed. It gives the priest/church an idea of what you need to discuss in the future, in hopes that you come to some sort of agreement or compromise.
It’s not a short test either. It is comprised of 200 questions, where the first 150-60 everyone would answer. And then I believe the last 40 are divided into two: 20 for inter-faith couples, and 20 for re-married couples. They ask everything from the way you raise your children, to your relationship, to finances, to family, in-laws, and friends, to your future sex life with your partner.
I especially felt bad for Mr. Smallville, because he was just in DC last weekend, so coming up yet again is a struggle in itself. And then, he was already nervous about meeting the first priest, who I adored. Mr. Smallville’s anxiety wasn’t pleasantly unfounded, because first was so welcoming and sweet when he met Mr. Smallville. He was nervous regardless, so for him to go through that again, I can’t even imagine it. And then have him say “oh by the way, you need to take this test.” I love Mr. Smallville, and he was a good sport about it in the end.
He's been a good sport about everything. There were many requirements for us to get married in a Catholic Church (called PreCana).
We were supposed to take a series of three 2.5-hour classes for Natural Family Planning, where you learn about your cycle, which would really be my ovulation cycle and when i'm "Most Fertile," since the church doesnt believe in contraception, and that we should work with our own biological nature and its signs to determine when was the "appropriate time" to either avoid or try to have a baby.
Another requirement was a 9 am to 4 pm Marriage Seminar with the church and ten other couples who are about to get married discussing everything from relationships, to children and family, to finances, to faith.
Also a certain number of meetings with the marrying priest were required, but we really only got to 2 meetings with the first priest, and a third with teh new one. And then there was the FOCCUS test. I appreciate Mr. Smallville for his efforts towards a wedding officiated in my faith.
Mr. Smallville and I answered as best as we could, taking the test at a table in the priest’s office while the priest checked his email. We’re supposed to wait to hear back from the priest if anything in the test stood out, should we need more discussion. Fingers crossed that we wont!
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